Well it’s happened. The company I worked for was effecitively shut down on Monday and I am again without a job. I feel as if everything I’ve worked so hard for the last few weeks is at risk of being lost. The marina and boatyard I worked at wasn’t just a job. It was my home. I’m a bit at a loss as to what to do now. I found the work I did meaningful there. At least I thought it was until my boss told me otherwise. That cut me to the core a bit. I know she’s angry and hurt that things didn’t go the way we all wanted them to.
It’s risky trying to be a friend and an employee.
My life has been a series of risks recently that haven’t paid off well. I’ve been a part of the “play it safe” crowd for so long that I thought if I just closed my eyes and leaped for once it might pan out. Unfortunately it seems I’m just free falling into nothingness again.
Someone asked me today if I had a magic wand what would I do with my life. Honestly, I have no idea. I wish I could find a way to make the blog/writing my actual job. I wish I could travel all over the world with Ava in our boat. While money doesn’t buy happiness, it bought a boat that needed maintenace, slip rent, and fuel to do all of the above with. I’m beginning to think that maybe I got in over my head with this whole “Travel/Adventure” thing. It’s lonely on the boat, even with Ava. I feel like I’ve not been fair to her recently either. Working at ESM allowed me to have her with me in the office on days I was tethered to a desk. Now she’ll have to stay on the boat or in a doggy day care (which she HATES) while I’m out looking for work. Crap she sounds more like a baby than my dog.
There was a great deal of risk involved when I moved back home. I took the chance that Kenny might come back if he saw that I had found some normalacy and happiness here. Obviously that hasn’t worked out in my favor.
Life is risky business. Everyday we take chances in love, with friends, with family. I suppose it’s worth the risk though. What is the saying “it’s better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all.”
I seem to be rambling so I’m going to pour myself another cup of coffee and hope that I find some solace in it, and maybe a job. Yeah a job that would be nice right?